Is Only Child Syndrome Real? (2024)

If you're currently planning a family, or considering adding to one, you may wonder about something known as "only child syndrome." It's the term that describes the negative characteristics that many people associate with children who grow up without siblings. The idea stems from the belief that children from single-child families tend to develop negative personality characteristics, such as being bossy, "spoiled," or antisocial.

However, you can rest assured that this syndrome is a myth. There is no reliable science behind these stereotypes about kids who don't have siblings. So, you're not shortchanging your child by not giving them siblings. And that's good news for many since single-child families have been rising since the 1970s. In fact, singletons are experiencing tremendous growth, up from 10 million in 1972 to about 14.4 million in 2020, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

What's the reason behind these only child statistics? Many parents are actively choosing to have just one kid, and they're also marrying later in life. Having kids at an older age makes fertility problems more likely, which can also set the stage for a small family by default.

The truth is that any family, regardless of size, can produce caring and responsible kids with plenty of wonderful characteristics. We turned to experts to learn more about the myth of only child syndrome, and how to successfully parent when your kid doesn't have any siblings.

Only Child Syndrome Is a Myth

The concept of only child syndrome falls short when you look at the research on this group of kids, as do stigmas about middle children or oldest children for that matter. Only children are no more destined to become "difficult" or spoiled than any other child. Yes, some qualities may be more common with only kids, but they aren't all bad and may not be what you'd expect. In fact, being an only child typically comes with a number of benefits.

In truth, there's plenty of good news about only children. Research shows that they're self-confident, well-organized, and ambitious. They are also no more likely to be coddled than children with siblings. In fact, contrary to popular opinion, studies show that singletons are not at significantly higher risk of developing adverse personality traits like narcissism or hypochondria. Plus, there are many other important factors beyond siblings—such as socioeconomic status and parenting style—that have a significant influence on a child.

In fact, an only child's personality may benefit from their parent's undivided attention and emotional support in several key ways. The dynamic can instill high self-esteem, foster maturity, and enable a child to develop a strong identity. In fact, a 2022 study found that only children had better confidence, emotional regulation, linguistic skills, and peer relationships.

"Only children typically have strong personalities and know who they are because their needs aren't overlooked, and they don't compete for attention," explains Erika Karres, author of Make Your Kids Smarter and an educational consultant who practices out of Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

As it turns out, the fact that only children spend so much time alone is also an advantage. "Onlies are often creative and focused because they need to learn to entertain themselves. They'll build that cathedral out of blocks," says Karres.

Tips for Raising an Only Child

Just like parents who have multiple children, parents of only children can unwittingly make choices that may end up doing more harm than good. That's totally normal—we all make mistakes! But greater awareness about potential parenting pitfalls that could contribute to undesired traits like those associated with only child syndrome, can help you avoid these issues.

In fact, research shows that parenting style is a huge driver in your child's personality, regardless of whether you have one child or many. Positive parental attention and support are key to healthy child development. So, you have the power to help shape your child. Here are some of the most common pitfalls and some effective strategies to help you avoid them.

Use an authoritative parenting style

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, using an authoritative parenting style is the best way to raise confident, secure, grounded kids. Essentially, the goal is to be neither permissive nor authoritarian.

Instead, the authoritative parenting approach is both supportive and firm. Parents care about and listen to their children while providing ample attention, love, and freedom. At the same time, they also set realistic expectations and firm boundaries—and follow through when kids test those limits.

Don't overprotect your only child

Allowing your kids to make mistakes helps them become responsible and resilient. "These parents put all their eggs in one basket, so it's natural for them to be extra cautious," says Susan Newmam, PhD, a psychologist, mother of an only child, and author of Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only.

It's a natural instinct to want to hover and protect but giving your child space is also important. "When an only child starts to walk, his parents hover over him and don't let him fall. When an only child gets in a fight with a friend, her parents rescue her. She can't learn how to navigate the world if her parents always are interfering or fighting her battles," explains Dr. Newman.

When appropriate, try to give your child some time and space to cope, solve their own problems, or even fail before stepping in. Also, check in with friends who are the parents of siblings. Asking them what their parameters are in tricky situations can help you strike a balance between protection and overprotective.

Encourage social interaction

Since only children are the center of their parents' universe, sometimes they can have difficulty relating to peers. This is a generalization, of course, and many only children are very social with other kids. That said, research does find that children with siblings tend to have more advanced social skills relating to peer groups, such as collaboration and cooperation.

To facilitate these social skills, set up playdates with kids their age or spend time in places where other kids will be, such as children's museums or parks. "Early socialization helps them learn how to share, take turns, and resolve conflicts," the late Patricia Henderson Shimm, former associate director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development in New York City, told Parents.

Don't set unrealistic expectations

Some only children become perfectionists to please their parents, who may impose high (or even unrealistic) expectations on them because the child is their only one. The parents are hoping to "do everything right" but this approach can add up to a lot of pressure for their child. If their expectations are developmentally inappropriate, this can result in frustration, disappointment, or behavioral challenges.

Instead, keep your expectations in line with your child's age and natural abilities. Assure them they don't have to be the best at everything. For example, if your child loves to draw, that doesn't mean they have to (or will) become a gifted artist. Focus on their enjoyment of the activity rather than the goal of creating a mini Picasso.

Let your child make decisions

When safe to do so, it's helpful to let your child make choices to hone their independence and critical thinking skills. When parents are the sole directors of a kid's life, an only child can end up relying on their input before making a move. "If you're always doing and thinking for your child, [they] won't learn to do and think for [themselves]," Shimm told Parents.

To set the stage for future decision-making, give your toddler simple choices. For example, at bedtime, does your child want you to read Babar or Curious George? Also, try not to make too many suggestions when your little one is playing, such as what color crayon to use or where to put the piece of the puzzle. When feasible, let them figure this stuff out on their own.

With a lot of love from you and some help from friends, your only child will turn into a capable, caring, well-adjusted little person whether they have siblings or not.